Posts
“All we need is love.” Myth or not? Since love does seem to
be able to overcome anything and everything, at least on
television and at the movies, this seems like a reality.
However, truth is, making relationships work takes skill and
hard work, regardless of the “love” factor. This is a myth
here.
Let’s take a peak at some of the more common concepts above
“love” relationships and see if they are myths or based upon
reality.
If you are thinking of going into a relationship, or if you
find yourself falling in love, and ready to date, keep this
in mind: relationship is way, way beyond just love and
attraction.
Just like in fairy tales, once true love is found, people
live happily ever after. Truth or myth? Granted couples can
look into each other’s eyes and have those warm fuzzy
feelings. However, truth is, all couples will have their ups
and downs. “Happily ever after” seems to imply a perfect,
problem-less relationship when in reality, those don’t
exist.
If you are in a problem-less relationship (which doesn't
exist anyway), you'll get bored one day. And one of the
couples will want to run away!
So, is it possible to create and maintain a long lasting and
blissful relationship, or can one even dream of creating the
relationship of his or her dreams?
You bet!
The first step is to arm yourself with the genuine knowledge
and instructions on how to create your soul-based
relationship. Trust me, it is worth your time and money if
you can ever find a comprehensive course of instructions and
learn more about the truth of relationship, and especially
how you can draw in your soul mate!
It has to be “love at first sight” in order to work long-
term. Myth or truth? While this can be true for some, it
certainly doesn’t have to be for all couples in long-term
relationships. Many people grow together over time.
Since practically anyone can learn the nuts and bolts of
relationship building, focusing on some basic techniques
that can be learned is a must. The main ones, in no
particular order, are:
- Understand your-self.
Understand yourself. What is your personality. You may be
surprised. Some people live for a long time and never come
to understand or even realize why they are the way they are!
And why is this important? It determines how you look at the
world, how you will interpret the events occurring in your
life, and WHO YOU ARE will help your partner determine how
to react to YOU!
- Rapport: Develop rapport with others well.
Now let’s take a quick peak at the basics of developing
rapport with others. In a nutshell, what it takes is to ask
questions, have a positive, open attitude, encour
age an open exchange of communications (both verbal and
unspoken), listen to verbal and unspoken communications and
share positive feedback.
- Conflict Resolution: Resolve negative issues and conflicts
without too much friction
How do you handle conflicts? If you can put your ego aside
pretty much and try to keep friction to a minimum, your
relationships should move along fairly smoothly. Where you
feel disagreement, if you can “agree” to disagree on certain
things with the other party involved, that will help, too.
In short, conflict resolution means to pretty much deal with
others as you would want them to deal with you.
Once true love is found, people live happily ever after.
Truth or myth? Well, it will definitely not be a perfect,
problem-less journey. However, you definitely can live
happily ever after with the love of your life, if only you
will arm yourself with the right relationship skills and
learn relationship mastery whole heartedly.
Trust me, this is within your power. It is your destiny to
draw in your highest and best mate, if you have decided to.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Thursday, January 28, 2010
What Do Men and Women Want in a Love Relationship?
When recent polls asked what men and women would most like in their relationship, the resounding response was happiness. Is your love relationship a happy one? If it is not, then what exactly is a happy love relationship? This article tries to answer this pressing question. It will teach you how you can be guaranteed that your love relationship will bring you happiness.
As relationship advisor, I often hear men and women say they are happy with their love life. Behind closed doors, however, the same people who say they are happy with their love life admit that they are not. For many years, I have heard people say that although they are unhappy with what they have, it is better than being alone. Women, in particular, say it is too difficult to find a good man.
Certain steps are required to find the love relationship that will make you and your partner happy. Here are five simple steps to help you find the happiness that eludes you.
Step 1. Acknowledge that you have not been successful at relationship. This is key, because admitting that something is not right automatically programs your brain to bring about change. Denial, on the other hand, will keep you making excuses.
Step 2. When you have acknowledged the truth, you are now ready to finally succeed. Begin by finding love in the right places. What I mean here is a change of habit. I have put some of my clients through this process, and the result has been very rewarding for them. It also brought me much joy to know that somehow I have helped them find happiness.
Step 3. Seek your love relationship with the right person, your twin soul or what I call your soulmate. Here is why. Twin souls are two people who were created for and with each other in mind. They are parts of each other. This is why people may feel alone even if they are in a love relationship if it is not with their soulmates.
Your soulmate was created by a higher power, and it is only this higher power who can lead you to the person. Acknowledging this is a very important part of recognizing your soulmate. Because if a higher power created a twin soul for you the same higher power has created a way to bring the two of you together. This is so very important, I cannot stress it enough. I have gone through the process myself and know this from personal experience. So you have met a love interest, are dating or even in a relationship. You must do your part to recognize if you are each others soulmate or not. After that the next step, step 4 is the most important part of the process if you want assurance that you and your love interest were created for each other and that the relationship will work.
Step 4. Wait for a confirmation. When two people meet, the only way they can know they are soulmates is by receiving a confirmation. Confirmation comes in a variety of ways. Because soulmates were created for each other by a higher power, the same higher power will give you a confirmation. To make this point clear, I will ask you to see yourself as a mother. You have several cups in your cupboard. You ask your child to bring you a tea cup. Your child goes into the cupboard, where there are many different kinds of cups. The child takes one cup and brings it to you. You, the mother, will know whether your child has brought you the right cup. You then confirm the child's success by letting the child know the cup is the right or wrong one. Likewise, your higher power will let you know if your man or woman is the right one.
Step 5. Finally, you must do your part. A higher power created a soulmate for you and will lead you to your soulmate and give you a confirmation when the two of you meet. The rest is up to you. It is important to understand that it is up to you to accept or not accept your soulmate. It is up to you to date, to meet people, and so on. And no matter what you may think, there are simple and effective ways of meeting the right person.
Let me draw upon the story of Adam and Eve to make a final point. When they were created for each other, after partaking of the fruit of the tree, Adam was displeased with Eve. Adam had the option of not accepting Eve as his twin soul, but Eve told Adam that, if he did not accept her, he would be alone. The secret here is to understand the word alone. Without your soulmate's love, you will feel alone regardless of how handsome, beautiful, rich or famous you or your lover is. Understanding this is very important, because it will put you in the right frame of mind to go about your love life in the right way. Good luck to you
Contributor: Ernest Quansah
As relationship advisor, I often hear men and women say they are happy with their love life. Behind closed doors, however, the same people who say they are happy with their love life admit that they are not. For many years, I have heard people say that although they are unhappy with what they have, it is better than being alone. Women, in particular, say it is too difficult to find a good man.
Certain steps are required to find the love relationship that will make you and your partner happy. Here are five simple steps to help you find the happiness that eludes you.
Step 1. Acknowledge that you have not been successful at relationship. This is key, because admitting that something is not right automatically programs your brain to bring about change. Denial, on the other hand, will keep you making excuses.
Step 2. When you have acknowledged the truth, you are now ready to finally succeed. Begin by finding love in the right places. What I mean here is a change of habit. I have put some of my clients through this process, and the result has been very rewarding for them. It also brought me much joy to know that somehow I have helped them find happiness.
Step 3. Seek your love relationship with the right person, your twin soul or what I call your soulmate. Here is why. Twin souls are two people who were created for and with each other in mind. They are parts of each other. This is why people may feel alone even if they are in a love relationship if it is not with their soulmates.
Your soulmate was created by a higher power, and it is only this higher power who can lead you to the person. Acknowledging this is a very important part of recognizing your soulmate. Because if a higher power created a twin soul for you the same higher power has created a way to bring the two of you together. This is so very important, I cannot stress it enough. I have gone through the process myself and know this from personal experience. So you have met a love interest, are dating or even in a relationship. You must do your part to recognize if you are each others soulmate or not. After that the next step, step 4 is the most important part of the process if you want assurance that you and your love interest were created for each other and that the relationship will work.
Step 4. Wait for a confirmation. When two people meet, the only way they can know they are soulmates is by receiving a confirmation. Confirmation comes in a variety of ways. Because soulmates were created for each other by a higher power, the same higher power will give you a confirmation. To make this point clear, I will ask you to see yourself as a mother. You have several cups in your cupboard. You ask your child to bring you a tea cup. Your child goes into the cupboard, where there are many different kinds of cups. The child takes one cup and brings it to you. You, the mother, will know whether your child has brought you the right cup. You then confirm the child's success by letting the child know the cup is the right or wrong one. Likewise, your higher power will let you know if your man or woman is the right one.
Step 5. Finally, you must do your part. A higher power created a soulmate for you and will lead you to your soulmate and give you a confirmation when the two of you meet. The rest is up to you. It is important to understand that it is up to you to accept or not accept your soulmate. It is up to you to date, to meet people, and so on. And no matter what you may think, there are simple and effective ways of meeting the right person.
Let me draw upon the story of Adam and Eve to make a final point. When they were created for each other, after partaking of the fruit of the tree, Adam was displeased with Eve. Adam had the option of not accepting Eve as his twin soul, but Eve told Adam that, if he did not accept her, he would be alone. The secret here is to understand the word alone. Without your soulmate's love, you will feel alone regardless of how handsome, beautiful, rich or famous you or your lover is. Understanding this is very important, because it will put you in the right frame of mind to go about your love life in the right way. Good luck to you
Contributor: Ernest Quansah
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Getting Out Of A Bad Relationship
So, you thought you have finally found the ONE.
Someone who has an established career, with stable financial status, responsible, good looking, intelligent, and good-humored person has finally come into your life.
But, just when you thought you've finally met the ideal man or woman of your dreams, everything seems to be wrong and complicated. Suddenly, he has lost his job, she went bankrupt, he became careless, and she became paranoid about everything. You try to help your partner in dealing with the issues but it always turns out that he or she's too good to ask help from anybody-even you.
Still, despite everything you still do almost everything to help your beau without you realizing that he or she slowly drags you into the pit of depression and helplessness they're in. When you feel that you are no longer healthy, happy, and growing in the relationship, that's the time when you are trapped in bad relationship.
Being stuck and stranded
It is always hard to end any kind of relationship-especially if it's a romantic relationship. But, no matter how hard to end something that you thought is precious, you should know when to end a relationship especially if you are well-aware that its not doing you any good.
The signs of the times would probably tell you if you are already being stuck in a bad relationship. Experts agree that the relationship is already bad when the couple is going through unusual periods of disagreement and bitterness that can be inevitable in some relationships. You will also know if you are already in the pit of a bad relationship when it involves incessant aggravation and everything-even your partner-seems to be out of your reach.
The main determinant if you are in a bad relationship is the behavior of your partner. You can tell that you are being caught up in a bad relationship if your partner is beyond your reach of communication and comprehension, he or she doesn't want to make any commitment, doesn't profess his or her feelings even if there is a sort of commitment or plainly incapable of loving someone else besides him or herself.
Studies also show that in any bad relationship, the couple is often on dissimilar wavelengths that there is almost no common ground and no connection or communication that result to irritation and disappointment.
Since bad relationships usually stem from chronic reciprocation of what one or both partners need, the relationship itself can even damage the self-esteem of the persons involved. Bad relationships are also destructive for persons especially those who have invested so much in their careers for their personal lives since these serve as a perfect breeding ground for rage, bitterness, self-doubt, melancholy, and distress.
Aside from emotional distress, staying in a bad relationship can be hazardous to someones health. The most common hazard of bad relationship is the physical harm caused by an abusive partner. In less severe cases, being in a bad relationship can cause tensions and various chemical changes often triggered by so much stress.
Being in a bad relationship reflects so much on the person's overall health and well-being because it can drain energy, thus, lowering the body's resistance to illness. The common health hazards of being in a bad relationship include severe headaches, back pains, and stomachaches caused by anger and frustration; insomnia and melancholy caused by emotional distress; and weight problems caused by irregular behavioral patterns and depression.
If couples continue to be in a relationship that is no longer healthy, they will try to find a way to escape from being stuck inside by being alcoholic or drug dependent. Worse, being stuck in an unhealthy relationship can eventually lead to recurrent suicide attempts.
Breaking free
What most people inside relationships do not realize is that the more they try to work things out, things get more and more complicated. This is because both people in the relationship try so hard to pass through the stage without realizing that they are detaching themselves with their respective partners. As a result of this detachment is misunderstanding, incompatibility, and soon enough, falling out of love.
If you are already in a bad relationship that robs you off your freedom to be yourself, the freedom to love other person, and the freedom to get out of an unhealthy and destructive relationship, here are some of the things you can do to recover.
1. Consider your wellness as the first priority in life whether you are in or out of a romantic relationship.
2. Try to be "selfish" at times by focusing on your own needs above all else.
3. Be strong enough to deal with your own problems.
4. Have a positive outlook in life and cultivate whatever positive values you acquired within the relationship.
5. Nurture you spiritual side and try to look for ways or activities that can bring you inner peace.
6. If the relationship was quite traumatic, think of getting professional help or find a support group where you can share your experiences and the lessons you have learned.
7. Don't be afraid to fall in love but try to be more cautious next time so you won't be stuck in a bad relationship.
Contributor:
http://www.datingsupportcenter.com
Someone who has an established career, with stable financial status, responsible, good looking, intelligent, and good-humored person has finally come into your life.
But, just when you thought you've finally met the ideal man or woman of your dreams, everything seems to be wrong and complicated. Suddenly, he has lost his job, she went bankrupt, he became careless, and she became paranoid about everything. You try to help your partner in dealing with the issues but it always turns out that he or she's too good to ask help from anybody-even you.
Still, despite everything you still do almost everything to help your beau without you realizing that he or she slowly drags you into the pit of depression and helplessness they're in. When you feel that you are no longer healthy, happy, and growing in the relationship, that's the time when you are trapped in bad relationship.
Being stuck and stranded
It is always hard to end any kind of relationship-especially if it's a romantic relationship. But, no matter how hard to end something that you thought is precious, you should know when to end a relationship especially if you are well-aware that its not doing you any good.
The signs of the times would probably tell you if you are already being stuck in a bad relationship. Experts agree that the relationship is already bad when the couple is going through unusual periods of disagreement and bitterness that can be inevitable in some relationships. You will also know if you are already in the pit of a bad relationship when it involves incessant aggravation and everything-even your partner-seems to be out of your reach.
The main determinant if you are in a bad relationship is the behavior of your partner. You can tell that you are being caught up in a bad relationship if your partner is beyond your reach of communication and comprehension, he or she doesn't want to make any commitment, doesn't profess his or her feelings even if there is a sort of commitment or plainly incapable of loving someone else besides him or herself.
Studies also show that in any bad relationship, the couple is often on dissimilar wavelengths that there is almost no common ground and no connection or communication that result to irritation and disappointment.
Since bad relationships usually stem from chronic reciprocation of what one or both partners need, the relationship itself can even damage the self-esteem of the persons involved. Bad relationships are also destructive for persons especially those who have invested so much in their careers for their personal lives since these serve as a perfect breeding ground for rage, bitterness, self-doubt, melancholy, and distress.
Aside from emotional distress, staying in a bad relationship can be hazardous to someones health. The most common hazard of bad relationship is the physical harm caused by an abusive partner. In less severe cases, being in a bad relationship can cause tensions and various chemical changes often triggered by so much stress.
Being in a bad relationship reflects so much on the person's overall health and well-being because it can drain energy, thus, lowering the body's resistance to illness. The common health hazards of being in a bad relationship include severe headaches, back pains, and stomachaches caused by anger and frustration; insomnia and melancholy caused by emotional distress; and weight problems caused by irregular behavioral patterns and depression.
If couples continue to be in a relationship that is no longer healthy, they will try to find a way to escape from being stuck inside by being alcoholic or drug dependent. Worse, being stuck in an unhealthy relationship can eventually lead to recurrent suicide attempts.
Breaking free
What most people inside relationships do not realize is that the more they try to work things out, things get more and more complicated. This is because both people in the relationship try so hard to pass through the stage without realizing that they are detaching themselves with their respective partners. As a result of this detachment is misunderstanding, incompatibility, and soon enough, falling out of love.
If you are already in a bad relationship that robs you off your freedom to be yourself, the freedom to love other person, and the freedom to get out of an unhealthy and destructive relationship, here are some of the things you can do to recover.
1. Consider your wellness as the first priority in life whether you are in or out of a romantic relationship.
2. Try to be "selfish" at times by focusing on your own needs above all else.
3. Be strong enough to deal with your own problems.
4. Have a positive outlook in life and cultivate whatever positive values you acquired within the relationship.
5. Nurture you spiritual side and try to look for ways or activities that can bring you inner peace.
6. If the relationship was quite traumatic, think of getting professional help or find a support group where you can share your experiences and the lessons you have learned.
7. Don't be afraid to fall in love but try to be more cautious next time so you won't be stuck in a bad relationship.
Contributor:
http://www.datingsupportcenter.com
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Is Your Relationship Healthy?
....and How to Instantly Improve it if NOT!
I'm about to let you know the real reasons why men in relationships so often act this way... and what to do about it.
I'm also about to explain why so many women end up in unfulfilling relationships with men who "TAKE TAKE TAKE", and why these women so often end up getting little back for all their efforts.
First off, tell me if this sounds at all familiar...
You meet a great guy and you start dating.
The "chemistry" is simply AMAZING and you can't believe how into connecting and sharing he is...even on that emotional level where other men often fall flat.
You spend time together and keep growing closer, and you start to believe that maybe you've finally found that amazing friend, companion and lover all in one.
He's so open and caring... listens and pays attention to you and what's going with you in a way that few men you've met can.
Your connection is unbelievable.
You both know you can count on each other in ways that feel like you're closer than you have been with a man in a long, long time.
Since you're both so close, he starts to depend on you for a few things in his life... and you're happy to help him since you really care about him and are a generous and loving person.
But, as time goes on, something starts to slowly "shift."
It starts with small things...
He starts acting a little differently, and stops doing a lot of the things he used to do that made you admire and respect him.
Somehow, he seems less confident, present, and "connected" with you.
And then you notice...
There's something different about how he depends on you, and it sets off your "radar."
You start to wonder if how he is with you is entirely healthy.
You start to feel "drained" with him and with the relationship more and more... but you know that a relationship is about give and take, so you keep giving and have faith that things are going fine.
More time passes and you start to notice something else...
You see that he isn't becoming more appreciative of all the things you're doing for
him and your relationship.
In fact, it feels like he's starting to take more and more of it for granted.
Actually, he seems LESS APPRECIATIVE of you and your relationship in general.
He starts asking and depending on you even more, without any real thanks or reciprocation.
The more he does this, the more you sense that there's a kind of needy "childishness" inside him that's becoming clearer.
You want to be there for him and be a great partner... but you also want that fun, strong, playful, loving, confident man back who was there before things changed.
With all this going on, you're not exactly sure of what to do about it or what's going on for him that's making him act this way.
He doesn't seem to pay you the same attention, give the same affection and support that you give him, and it's starting to feel unfair and bother you.
Your relationship is starting to feel like it's all about making sure "he's" happy.
Which of course doesn't leave much room for what's going on for YOU.
You know things can't go on this way if your relationship is going to work and be something worthwhile and "real."
He's got to see what's going on and stop being so self-involved.
You know that he's had some challenges in his own life and maybe he just doesn't see what's going on. So, you decide to not make a big deal out of it. But, you know that something needs to change... soon.
So, you finally decide to talk to him about what's going on.
You go over in your head again and again what you're going to say to him and what's been going on for the last several months.
You're sure that he'll see what's been happening and all the things you've been doing for him and the relationship, and he'll give you some understanding.
But when you talk to him, it doesn't work out this way... AT ALL.
Instead of hearing you and your intentions to get things back to a better place between you two, he just becomes frustrated, irritated and
DEFENSIVE with you.
Instead of hearing you, he makes you feel like you're "nagging" him and creating "drama."
He even acts like you're the one being ridiculous and withdraws from you.
Does any of this sound familiar to you?
This situation where you know you're giving and getting less than nothing back STINKS.
And unfortunately, it's a common experience lots of women have in relationships with men.
Now, there are about 50 things I could tell you about how men are at fault and create these problems for themselves and for you in your relationship.
But the reality is that you've already spent hours thinking about this before and have a lot of your own ideas about it.
That is partially why I'm NOT going to talk about what's going on with men here and what to do about it.
At least not yet.
Right now we're going to talk about YOU.
Why?
Because thinking about YOURSELF is the first step towards real GROWTH and AWARENESS in EVERY RELATIONSHIP you have in your life.
You could spend days, weeks, months or years worrying about a man, what he thinks, and why he does the things he does.
But if you want to be smart...
And you want relationships to start "working" for you, instead of seeming like a never ending source of frustration and disappointment trying to get a man to make the relationship work...
Then you'll make sure you have things handled for yourself first.
And that way you'll have the CERTAINTY that only comes from understanding what's happening in the relationship around you... and what YOU need to do in each situation that comes up with a man.
THE ONE QUESTION THAT CAN CHANGE YOUR RELATIONSHIP
WITH A MAN INSTANTLY
If you're at the most basic levels of what I call "emotional maturity" in your life, then you've started to recognize something very important and significant about yourself...
You've recognized that you have a few PATTERNS coming up in your relationships.
Of course, some of these patterns are positive traits that bring benefits, center around your personal preferences, and involve things you bring into your life CONSCIOUSLY and for good reason.
But the reality is these aren't the only kind of patterns you have in your life.
You also have a special group of "negative patterns."
Patterns that you save just for MEN.
So, let me ask you a very simple question.
It's a question that could very well change the course of your love life IMMEDIATELY once you answer it.
Here's the question - Do you know your "negative patterns" in relationships with men?
You might have a few of these that you already know about that you can rattle off in your head right now without really thinking about it.
THESE ARE NOT THE PATTERNS I'M LOOKING FOR TO IMPROVE YOUR LOVE LIFE.
You already know about these patterns and this knowledge still doesn't seem to be helping you if you're running into the same issues and situations again and again.
Which is why it's obvious that "what" you already know isn't going to help you learn and grow past these situations with men for good.
You need to expand your PERSPECTIVE.
That's why I'm looking for the patterns that you DON'T see right now, and that you aren't CONSCIOUS of.
Here's where we're going to take ACTION...
Right now, I want you to give yourself the time and space for the next 5 minutes to think about your own patterns in your past or present relationships with men.
And, I want you to put everything else aside just for a few short moments while you focus on YOURSELF.
By the way, if you don't have time to do this now, then you probably never will.
And I know it's a simple question, but the AWARENESS and GROWTH that can come from your answer is what's going to change your love life immediately.
So now that you've made the time, I want you to think about the following -
I want you to come up with at least TWO of your own negative relationship patterns with men.
And I don't just mean patterns that are really about men... such as "I always pick men who are clueless about loving relationships."
This is focusing on HIM, not YOU.
I mean something like "I meet men and quickly spend all my time with them. But soon I see that I've "lost myself" and I am not able to have a healthy balance. And inevitably, we end up breaking up and I resent all the time I spent on the relationship and him, instead of spending more time on myself."
That's one common example lots of women have experienced.
Now, it's your turn.
I want you to come up with 2 other patterns that have to do with YOU and things that come from YOUR THINKING or BEHAVIOR.
I'm going to give you a few minutes to do it now. I'm going to give you another minute to make sure you have your two patterns.
OK. So now you have two clear patterns of your own in your head.
Take out a pen and a piece of paper right now and write down the patterns you identified.
Do it now, I'll wait.
Good.
I want you to keep this piece of paper somewhere you can look at it again in a few days or weeks.
It will be important to look at what you wrote down again at least once in the next few days.
DEVELOPING CONSCIOUSNESS TO MOVE PAST YOUR NEGATIVE AND SELF-DEFEATING "PATTERNS" IN RELATIONSHIPS WITH MEN
Now that you've got your two negative patterns, here's where things are going to start coming together for you...
First, I need you to get away from a dangerous kind of thinking that ALL WOMEN engage in when it comes to men, dating and relationships.
I call it "All-or-Nothing Thinking."
Do you know any women who talk about how their relationship is hopeless and a complete failure...
And then a few hours or days later they have shifted 180 degrees to where EVERYTHING is great?
What does this say about the woman who thinks and feels this way?
What kind of relationship and communication "skills" does a woman like this have?
And how do you think a man experiences this kind of thinking and behavior... and what does it say to him about a woman?
Of course, this is an extreme example of "All-or-Nothing Thinking."
Unfortunately, the more common "All-or-Nothing Thinking" is subtle and difficult to recognize.
Especially when YOU are the one having the thoughts.
So, let me ask you...
When you look at your pattern, is there a negative trait or habit of yours that stands out as the one that gets you into trouble the most?
I'm certain there is. I want you to identify at least one of your greatest WEAKNESSES that shows up in your life through your negative patterns.
I'll give you a minute to write this down next to the pattern it's associated with.
Now there's something I want you to think about...
It makes sense to cut this negative trait or habit that's associated with your pattern out of your relationship and behavior with a man... right?
It's caused a lot of these problems... right?
If you cut these traits or qualities out of the way you are in a relationship with a man, then things will be better... right?
WRONG... What if the problems that come up in your negative pattern are caused by these traits?
And what if the traits in your negative pattern didn't represent just your personal WEAKNESSES?
What if they ALSO represented your personal STRENGTHS at the same time?
If you were thinking that you should get rid of the trait or quality entirely that's involved in your negative pattern so that things will work better in the future... then you're going to that place of "All-or-Nothing Thinking."
Talk about throwing out the baby with the bath water.
Over the years I've recognized that there's a fascinating mistake TONS of people make in relationships, in business, and in every aspect of life...
When something isn't working and they want to fix a problem, they don't look at the entire "system" around them.
Instead, they focus their attention on the "symptoms" they see, in isolation.
Some people complain about "Western Medicine" having the same shortcoming. That it only addresses symptoms, instead of taking a "holistic" approach to how everything works together.
Anyway... when a person is trying to fix a problem in a relationship, by not seeing the entire "system" going on around them, they can't see how all the elements are inter-connected.
So, when they go to make a change, they think they can change what's related to the symptoms and everything will work better.
This is like thinking blowing your nose will cure a cold.
What's worse, oftentimes the things that people change not only don't work to fix the problem...
But ends up making things WORSE by affecting all the other related and inter connected things that WERE WORKING.
Talk about COUNTERPRODUCTIVE... Don't start solving problems and changing your relationship when you can only see the "symptoms." There's a better way.
You need to start looking at the whole "system" of how you and a man connect and communicate in your relationship.
You need to develop your own "holistic" approach.
Then you'll have the PERSPECTIVE to make choices and take action that will bring more connection and understanding into your life.
So how can you start to see your own relationship with a man as the "system" that it is? And how can you avoid the dead end strategy of trying to cover up the "symptoms"? Here's a step towards this that you can take RIGHT NOW...
I'm going to get you out of the habit of using your destructive "All-or-Nothing Thinking."
I want you to look at your trait or traits again that were your own WEAKNESSES in your negative relationship pattern.
Now I want you to try something that might seem strange at first.
I want you to identify at least one way in which your trait or habit in your negative relationship pattern is also a STRENGTH.
I'll give you a minute to see how the very trait that you just identified as a WEAKNESS is also a STRENGTH.
I want you to write the STRENGTH down right now next to the pattern it's associated with.
Go ahead. I'll give you a few minutes.
......................................
OK, good.
There's a lot of power and AWARENESS created in what you just did when you think about it - IF you stay aware of this when you're interacting with a man in your relationship.
When you see how your WEAKNESSES, that you've been giving yourself a hard time about and trying to figure out how to get rid of, are also part of your STRENGTHS... things you never could have understood will start to become clear to you.
Challenges, issues, attitudes and hurtful things that a man brings to you that relate to your patterns, and these traits will start to look differently to you...
And you'll start to have an amazing sense of CLARITY about what's the best thing to do for you, for him, and for your relationship.
A "STRANGE TRUTH" ABOUT THE PEOPLE AND RELATIONSHIPS YOU ATTRACT IN LIFE AND LOVE
You've got some basic tools to work with now to understand more about what's going on with you and your relationship.
But it really only starts here.
Are you CLEAR on how these 2 patterns come up in your life?
Do you know how to avoid "All or Nothing Thinking" the next time it comes up and tries to create DISTANCE between you and a man?
Do you know where these thoughts come from and what to do to stay conscious and overcome the negative aspects of your other destructive relationship patterns?
Do you know how to guide a man to start doing these same things to improve HIMSELF and the way he is in your relationship, so you don't have to try and convince him of what's going on that he can't see or isn't paying attention to?
Most women who aren't in a happy, healthy, loving, lasting relationship don't have this knowledge and the ability to stay connected with a man that comes along with it.
The strange truth is, patterns aren't just coincidences in your life.
They keep repeating in your life for a reason.
What are the lessons that keep coming up for you in your love life that you can't learn from where you are today, but keep coming at you?
The reality is that you have a choice...
You can keep repeating these patterns, and experiencing the pain and frustration that comes with them again and again...
This is the "easy" choice that doesn't ask or require you to learn and grow at all.
OR...
You can create a "shift" in your life.
You can choose to have more AWARENESS and more GROWTH... which will of course bring new ways of seeing things, and best of all, NEW RESULTS in your relationship.
The choice is yours right now.
If you've ever wondered why you get "stuck" with a man once you get to a certain level of connection and intimacy... and then things seem to go backwards and he withdraws... then this program is going to change your life and your relationship.
One of the most critical things that's going on inside a relationship when a "casual", or even a committed relationship, starts to go wrong, even though there's no lack of love or caring between the man and woman, is FEAR.
And I don't just mean YOUR FEARS... I'm talking about a HIS FEARS, too.
There's a reason why most men pull away and sabotage perfectly good, loving relationships with women.
And there's a reason why YOUR FEARS are only making these things with a man WORSE.
There are clear steps that you can take to change your love life and relationship, no matter where you are right now with a man.
Shifting your PERSPECTIVE and becoming MORE CONSCIOUS is your first step... some of which we've touched on here.
You can stop the unnecessary PATTERNS.
You can come to terms with, and understand, the FEARS.
And you can find out, once and for all, why it is that men so often put up RESISTANCE to becoming more connected, closer and MORE COMMITTED with YOU on a physical and emotional level.
Don't let go of this opportunity to have LASTING CHANGE and IMPROVEMENT to the quality of your love life and all your relationships.
Go to WOMEN INSPIRED and get the rest of the story.
What could come from your learning, growth, and new "relationship skills" and wisdom could be PRICELESS and last a lifetime.
Love and Success ...
I'm about to let you know the real reasons why men in relationships so often act this way... and what to do about it.
I'm also about to explain why so many women end up in unfulfilling relationships with men who "TAKE TAKE TAKE", and why these women so often end up getting little back for all their efforts.
First off, tell me if this sounds at all familiar...
You meet a great guy and you start dating.
The "chemistry" is simply AMAZING and you can't believe how into connecting and sharing he is...even on that emotional level where other men often fall flat.
You spend time together and keep growing closer, and you start to believe that maybe you've finally found that amazing friend, companion and lover all in one.
He's so open and caring... listens and pays attention to you and what's going with you in a way that few men you've met can.
Your connection is unbelievable.
You both know you can count on each other in ways that feel like you're closer than you have been with a man in a long, long time.
Since you're both so close, he starts to depend on you for a few things in his life... and you're happy to help him since you really care about him and are a generous and loving person.
But, as time goes on, something starts to slowly "shift."
It starts with small things...
He starts acting a little differently, and stops doing a lot of the things he used to do that made you admire and respect him.
Somehow, he seems less confident, present, and "connected" with you.
And then you notice...
There's something different about how he depends on you, and it sets off your "radar."
You start to wonder if how he is with you is entirely healthy.
You start to feel "drained" with him and with the relationship more and more... but you know that a relationship is about give and take, so you keep giving and have faith that things are going fine.
More time passes and you start to notice something else...
You see that he isn't becoming more appreciative of all the things you're doing for
him and your relationship.
In fact, it feels like he's starting to take more and more of it for granted.
Actually, he seems LESS APPRECIATIVE of you and your relationship in general.
He starts asking and depending on you even more, without any real thanks or reciprocation.
The more he does this, the more you sense that there's a kind of needy "childishness" inside him that's becoming clearer.
You want to be there for him and be a great partner... but you also want that fun, strong, playful, loving, confident man back who was there before things changed.
With all this going on, you're not exactly sure of what to do about it or what's going on for him that's making him act this way.
He doesn't seem to pay you the same attention, give the same affection and support that you give him, and it's starting to feel unfair and bother you.
Your relationship is starting to feel like it's all about making sure "he's" happy.
Which of course doesn't leave much room for what's going on for YOU.
You know things can't go on this way if your relationship is going to work and be something worthwhile and "real."
He's got to see what's going on and stop being so self-involved.
You know that he's had some challenges in his own life and maybe he just doesn't see what's going on. So, you decide to not make a big deal out of it. But, you know that something needs to change... soon.
So, you finally decide to talk to him about what's going on.
You go over in your head again and again what you're going to say to him and what's been going on for the last several months.
You're sure that he'll see what's been happening and all the things you've been doing for him and the relationship, and he'll give you some understanding.
But when you talk to him, it doesn't work out this way... AT ALL.
Instead of hearing you and your intentions to get things back to a better place between you two, he just becomes frustrated, irritated and
DEFENSIVE with you.
Instead of hearing you, he makes you feel like you're "nagging" him and creating "drama."
He even acts like you're the one being ridiculous and withdraws from you.
Does any of this sound familiar to you?
This situation where you know you're giving and getting less than nothing back STINKS.
And unfortunately, it's a common experience lots of women have in relationships with men.
Now, there are about 50 things I could tell you about how men are at fault and create these problems for themselves and for you in your relationship.
But the reality is that you've already spent hours thinking about this before and have a lot of your own ideas about it.
That is partially why I'm NOT going to talk about what's going on with men here and what to do about it.
At least not yet.
Right now we're going to talk about YOU.
Why?
Because thinking about YOURSELF is the first step towards real GROWTH and AWARENESS in EVERY RELATIONSHIP you have in your life.
You could spend days, weeks, months or years worrying about a man, what he thinks, and why he does the things he does.
But if you want to be smart...
And you want relationships to start "working" for you, instead of seeming like a never ending source of frustration and disappointment trying to get a man to make the relationship work...
Then you'll make sure you have things handled for yourself first.
And that way you'll have the CERTAINTY that only comes from understanding what's happening in the relationship around you... and what YOU need to do in each situation that comes up with a man.
THE ONE QUESTION THAT CAN CHANGE YOUR RELATIONSHIP
WITH A MAN INSTANTLY
If you're at the most basic levels of what I call "emotional maturity" in your life, then you've started to recognize something very important and significant about yourself...
You've recognized that you have a few PATTERNS coming up in your relationships.
Of course, some of these patterns are positive traits that bring benefits, center around your personal preferences, and involve things you bring into your life CONSCIOUSLY and for good reason.
But the reality is these aren't the only kind of patterns you have in your life.
You also have a special group of "negative patterns."
Patterns that you save just for MEN.
So, let me ask you a very simple question.
It's a question that could very well change the course of your love life IMMEDIATELY once you answer it.
Here's the question - Do you know your "negative patterns" in relationships with men?
You might have a few of these that you already know about that you can rattle off in your head right now without really thinking about it.
THESE ARE NOT THE PATTERNS I'M LOOKING FOR TO IMPROVE YOUR LOVE LIFE.
You already know about these patterns and this knowledge still doesn't seem to be helping you if you're running into the same issues and situations again and again.
Which is why it's obvious that "what" you already know isn't going to help you learn and grow past these situations with men for good.
You need to expand your PERSPECTIVE.
That's why I'm looking for the patterns that you DON'T see right now, and that you aren't CONSCIOUS of.
Here's where we're going to take ACTION...
Right now, I want you to give yourself the time and space for the next 5 minutes to think about your own patterns in your past or present relationships with men.
And, I want you to put everything else aside just for a few short moments while you focus on YOURSELF.
By the way, if you don't have time to do this now, then you probably never will.
And I know it's a simple question, but the AWARENESS and GROWTH that can come from your answer is what's going to change your love life immediately.
So now that you've made the time, I want you to think about the following -
I want you to come up with at least TWO of your own negative relationship patterns with men.
And I don't just mean patterns that are really about men... such as "I always pick men who are clueless about loving relationships."
This is focusing on HIM, not YOU.
I mean something like "I meet men and quickly spend all my time with them. But soon I see that I've "lost myself" and I am not able to have a healthy balance. And inevitably, we end up breaking up and I resent all the time I spent on the relationship and him, instead of spending more time on myself."
That's one common example lots of women have experienced.
Now, it's your turn.
I want you to come up with 2 other patterns that have to do with YOU and things that come from YOUR THINKING or BEHAVIOR.
I'm going to give you a few minutes to do it now. I'm going to give you another minute to make sure you have your two patterns.
OK. So now you have two clear patterns of your own in your head.
Take out a pen and a piece of paper right now and write down the patterns you identified.
Do it now, I'll wait.
Good.
I want you to keep this piece of paper somewhere you can look at it again in a few days or weeks.
It will be important to look at what you wrote down again at least once in the next few days.
DEVELOPING CONSCIOUSNESS TO MOVE PAST YOUR NEGATIVE AND SELF-DEFEATING "PATTERNS" IN RELATIONSHIPS WITH MEN
Now that you've got your two negative patterns, here's where things are going to start coming together for you...
First, I need you to get away from a dangerous kind of thinking that ALL WOMEN engage in when it comes to men, dating and relationships.
I call it "All-or-Nothing Thinking."
Do you know any women who talk about how their relationship is hopeless and a complete failure...
And then a few hours or days later they have shifted 180 degrees to where EVERYTHING is great?
What does this say about the woman who thinks and feels this way?
What kind of relationship and communication "skills" does a woman like this have?
And how do you think a man experiences this kind of thinking and behavior... and what does it say to him about a woman?
Of course, this is an extreme example of "All-or-Nothing Thinking."
Unfortunately, the more common "All-or-Nothing Thinking" is subtle and difficult to recognize.
Especially when YOU are the one having the thoughts.
So, let me ask you...
When you look at your pattern, is there a negative trait or habit of yours that stands out as the one that gets you into trouble the most?
I'm certain there is. I want you to identify at least one of your greatest WEAKNESSES that shows up in your life through your negative patterns.
I'll give you a minute to write this down next to the pattern it's associated with.
Now there's something I want you to think about...
It makes sense to cut this negative trait or habit that's associated with your pattern out of your relationship and behavior with a man... right?
It's caused a lot of these problems... right?
If you cut these traits or qualities out of the way you are in a relationship with a man, then things will be better... right?
WRONG... What if the problems that come up in your negative pattern are caused by these traits?
And what if the traits in your negative pattern didn't represent just your personal WEAKNESSES?
What if they ALSO represented your personal STRENGTHS at the same time?
If you were thinking that you should get rid of the trait or quality entirely that's involved in your negative pattern so that things will work better in the future... then you're going to that place of "All-or-Nothing Thinking."
Talk about throwing out the baby with the bath water.
Over the years I've recognized that there's a fascinating mistake TONS of people make in relationships, in business, and in every aspect of life...
When something isn't working and they want to fix a problem, they don't look at the entire "system" around them.
Instead, they focus their attention on the "symptoms" they see, in isolation.
Some people complain about "Western Medicine" having the same shortcoming. That it only addresses symptoms, instead of taking a "holistic" approach to how everything works together.
Anyway... when a person is trying to fix a problem in a relationship, by not seeing the entire "system" going on around them, they can't see how all the elements are inter-connected.
So, when they go to make a change, they think they can change what's related to the symptoms and everything will work better.
This is like thinking blowing your nose will cure a cold.
What's worse, oftentimes the things that people change not only don't work to fix the problem...
But ends up making things WORSE by affecting all the other related and inter connected things that WERE WORKING.
Talk about COUNTERPRODUCTIVE... Don't start solving problems and changing your relationship when you can only see the "symptoms." There's a better way.
You need to start looking at the whole "system" of how you and a man connect and communicate in your relationship.
You need to develop your own "holistic" approach.
Then you'll have the PERSPECTIVE to make choices and take action that will bring more connection and understanding into your life.
So how can you start to see your own relationship with a man as the "system" that it is? And how can you avoid the dead end strategy of trying to cover up the "symptoms"? Here's a step towards this that you can take RIGHT NOW...
I'm going to get you out of the habit of using your destructive "All-or-Nothing Thinking."
I want you to look at your trait or traits again that were your own WEAKNESSES in your negative relationship pattern.
Now I want you to try something that might seem strange at first.
I want you to identify at least one way in which your trait or habit in your negative relationship pattern is also a STRENGTH.
I'll give you a minute to see how the very trait that you just identified as a WEAKNESS is also a STRENGTH.
I want you to write the STRENGTH down right now next to the pattern it's associated with.
Go ahead. I'll give you a few minutes.
......................................
OK, good.
There's a lot of power and AWARENESS created in what you just did when you think about it - IF you stay aware of this when you're interacting with a man in your relationship.
When you see how your WEAKNESSES, that you've been giving yourself a hard time about and trying to figure out how to get rid of, are also part of your STRENGTHS... things you never could have understood will start to become clear to you.
Challenges, issues, attitudes and hurtful things that a man brings to you that relate to your patterns, and these traits will start to look differently to you...
And you'll start to have an amazing sense of CLARITY about what's the best thing to do for you, for him, and for your relationship.
A "STRANGE TRUTH" ABOUT THE PEOPLE AND RELATIONSHIPS YOU ATTRACT IN LIFE AND LOVE
You've got some basic tools to work with now to understand more about what's going on with you and your relationship.
But it really only starts here.
Are you CLEAR on how these 2 patterns come up in your life?
Do you know how to avoid "All or Nothing Thinking" the next time it comes up and tries to create DISTANCE between you and a man?
Do you know where these thoughts come from and what to do to stay conscious and overcome the negative aspects of your other destructive relationship patterns?
Do you know how to guide a man to start doing these same things to improve HIMSELF and the way he is in your relationship, so you don't have to try and convince him of what's going on that he can't see or isn't paying attention to?
Most women who aren't in a happy, healthy, loving, lasting relationship don't have this knowledge and the ability to stay connected with a man that comes along with it.
The strange truth is, patterns aren't just coincidences in your life.
They keep repeating in your life for a reason.
What are the lessons that keep coming up for you in your love life that you can't learn from where you are today, but keep coming at you?
The reality is that you have a choice...
You can keep repeating these patterns, and experiencing the pain and frustration that comes with them again and again...
This is the "easy" choice that doesn't ask or require you to learn and grow at all.
OR...
You can create a "shift" in your life.
You can choose to have more AWARENESS and more GROWTH... which will of course bring new ways of seeing things, and best of all, NEW RESULTS in your relationship.
The choice is yours right now.
If you've ever wondered why you get "stuck" with a man once you get to a certain level of connection and intimacy... and then things seem to go backwards and he withdraws... then this program is going to change your life and your relationship.
One of the most critical things that's going on inside a relationship when a "casual", or even a committed relationship, starts to go wrong, even though there's no lack of love or caring between the man and woman, is FEAR.
And I don't just mean YOUR FEARS... I'm talking about a HIS FEARS, too.
There's a reason why most men pull away and sabotage perfectly good, loving relationships with women.
And there's a reason why YOUR FEARS are only making these things with a man WORSE.
There are clear steps that you can take to change your love life and relationship, no matter where you are right now with a man.
Shifting your PERSPECTIVE and becoming MORE CONSCIOUS is your first step... some of which we've touched on here.
You can stop the unnecessary PATTERNS.
You can come to terms with, and understand, the FEARS.
And you can find out, once and for all, why it is that men so often put up RESISTANCE to becoming more connected, closer and MORE COMMITTED with YOU on a physical and emotional level.
Don't let go of this opportunity to have LASTING CHANGE and IMPROVEMENT to the quality of your love life and all your relationships.
Go to WOMEN INSPIRED and get the rest of the story.
What could come from your learning, growth, and new "relationship skills" and wisdom could be PRICELESS and last a lifetime.
Love and Success ...
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Repair Relationships With a Love Letter
In a healthy, thriving relationship, there are bound to be occasional disagreements and squabbles. Most often it is over something that on hindsight seems ridiculous and insignificant. However, sometimes the damage has been done. Harsh words were exchanged while emotions were riding high and feelings are already hurt. When time passes, often one of the couple realizes that the “fight” was over something so ridiculous, and that it could have been handled in a more amiable and compromising manner. When both parties are willing to compromise after a fight, relationship repair can begin. But how does one initiate the compromise? This is where a love letter can come in to help.
We humans have a built-in desire to avoid unpleasant situations. But can a ‘fight’ situation have been avoided? During the “fight” probably not. But after some time, when the situation cools down and rationale take over, this is the time when solutions can be found. One thing we must realize, is that we are all humans and emotions do rule the day sometimes and because of that, situations turn ugly and the best of relationships do experience their occasional kinks. As long as there is no physical abuse or any irreversible conditions, most situations can be repaired.
It takes a couple of things to happen if there is going to be any relationship repair.
1. The couple must realize that there is more at stake than winning the argument. There is something bigger and more precious that needs to be preserved and treasured. Both stand to lose a lot more if no party wishes to relent or compromise in the argument. In worst case scenario, the couple will no longer be a couple. Life will be without each other’s presence. If there is strong love and respect for each other, this aspect of “more to lose” alone will help to iron out all the disagreements and solutions can be found.
2. There must be willingness to compromise from both parties. In most circumstances in an argument, there is no right and wrong side, only differing views. The argument comes up is because each party does not want to understand the other person’s point of view. Both must acknowledge this difference of views and a compromise sought.
When these aspects are established, the best way to reconcile is to spend some time away from each other and look at the argument rationally. Start to develop a love letter to repair the relationship. Write down your thoughts without the influence of negative emotions, then explain your point of view and end with a love note for the other person expressing how important and significant the other person is in your life. This will open up avenues for reconciliation and renewed bonding. This love letter will help to present the different views without the shouting match and also express the ‘love’ for each other.
It is vital to have the ‘love’ part in the love letter which stresses on the “more to lose” point above. There are many benefits in a written love letter. The love letter of this nature gives you the opportunity to control, retract, and re-word your thoughts without any damage. The time spent writing the love letter will calm negative emotions as well as put things into real perspective. So the next time you have strong emotions, try writing it in a letter and see if you still have the same feeling after some time. Writing the love letter in this manner will help to put things into perspective and helps to determine what is important to each other. So the next time, you feel an argument brewing, take some time off and write a love letter instead. There is another interesting benefit with such a love letter that it can be saved and kept into a scrapbook for memories.
Contributor: Catherine Preth
Catherine Preth is passionate about love, relationship building and believes that everything in life hinges on them. Catherine is the author of http://www.write-love-letters.com’">www.write-love-letters.com" target="_blank">www.write-love-letters.com">http://www.write-love-letters.com’">www.write-love-letters.com where she explains how to do the simplest thing to enhance relationships between people.
We humans have a built-in desire to avoid unpleasant situations. But can a ‘fight’ situation have been avoided? During the “fight” probably not. But after some time, when the situation cools down and rationale take over, this is the time when solutions can be found. One thing we must realize, is that we are all humans and emotions do rule the day sometimes and because of that, situations turn ugly and the best of relationships do experience their occasional kinks. As long as there is no physical abuse or any irreversible conditions, most situations can be repaired.
It takes a couple of things to happen if there is going to be any relationship repair.
1. The couple must realize that there is more at stake than winning the argument. There is something bigger and more precious that needs to be preserved and treasured. Both stand to lose a lot more if no party wishes to relent or compromise in the argument. In worst case scenario, the couple will no longer be a couple. Life will be without each other’s presence. If there is strong love and respect for each other, this aspect of “more to lose” alone will help to iron out all the disagreements and solutions can be found.
2. There must be willingness to compromise from both parties. In most circumstances in an argument, there is no right and wrong side, only differing views. The argument comes up is because each party does not want to understand the other person’s point of view. Both must acknowledge this difference of views and a compromise sought.
When these aspects are established, the best way to reconcile is to spend some time away from each other and look at the argument rationally. Start to develop a love letter to repair the relationship. Write down your thoughts without the influence of negative emotions, then explain your point of view and end with a love note for the other person expressing how important and significant the other person is in your life. This will open up avenues for reconciliation and renewed bonding. This love letter will help to present the different views without the shouting match and also express the ‘love’ for each other.
It is vital to have the ‘love’ part in the love letter which stresses on the “more to lose” point above. There are many benefits in a written love letter. The love letter of this nature gives you the opportunity to control, retract, and re-word your thoughts without any damage. The time spent writing the love letter will calm negative emotions as well as put things into real perspective. So the next time you have strong emotions, try writing it in a letter and see if you still have the same feeling after some time. Writing the love letter in this manner will help to put things into perspective and helps to determine what is important to each other. So the next time, you feel an argument brewing, take some time off and write a love letter instead. There is another interesting benefit with such a love letter that it can be saved and kept into a scrapbook for memories.
Contributor: Catherine Preth
Catherine Preth is passionate about love, relationship building and believes that everything in life hinges on them. Catherine is the author of http://www.write-love-letters.com’">www.write-love-letters.com" target="_blank">www.write-love-letters.com">http://www.write-love-letters.com’">www.write-love-letters.com where she explains how to do the simplest thing to enhance relationships between people.
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