Dealing With the Break Up of a Relationship

In my role as a psychologist/therapist I have met many women who were feeling miserable due to a failed relationship. In some instances their feelings verged on desperation as they told me they could not see a way for things to get better.

In these situations I always ask this question " if your sister or good friend were in the position you find yourself in now, how would you treat her?"

Invariably I get the same answer with slight variations. It goes like this. "I would encourage her to eat properly and get enough sleep. I would try to make her laugh and take her out of herself. I would buy her little gifts and treats to show her that she is special and loved"

My response is to say, "that's wonderful' thank you - Your answer has just told me what you need to be doing for yourself. As women we are nurturers' we care for others and yet often the last people we nurture are ourselves. Caring for ourselves isn't selfish it's practical. Caring for ourselves means that we have more to give to and share with others.

Its time to start being your own big sister and taking care of yourself. In a moment I'll explain a good way to start. First I would like us to look briefly at your thought process as you might be having thoughts that would stand in the way of your success.

You may be thinking to yourself I would like to bring more pleasure into my life but I don't have the time or money. The great news is it doesn't have to take a great deal of either. Some pleasures cost nothing, like taking a walk in the park on a sunny day - or a lie in - or curling up on the sofa with a favourite magazine or novel?

Most of the things we enjoy cost little and don't take up a great deal of time. The important thing is of course to take action on bringing more pleasure into your life not just think about it.

There is an exercise I do when working with groups which is along these lines. I ask each person to make a list of the things and situations that bring them pleasure and to say how often they indulge in them.

Participants are almost always surprised about how simple and inexpensive it would be to bring these pleasures into their lives or enjoy them more frequently. We all need and deserve pleasure so it's important to start bringing more of it into your life now.

Spend the next few days taking care of your needs and I promise you will start to feel better whatever your situation. But don't stop there. Let caring for yourself become a beneficial way of life beneficial for you and all those that you interact with.

Want to learn more about handling relationships succesfully see Eileen's website http://www.eileenedwards.co.uk